Why to go for pre marriage counselling?
Pre marital counselling helps you increase the satisfaction quotient in your soon to be married life. It also reduces the probability that you would seek separation later on.
There are many questions you should ask each other before you get married. Also there are many discussions you should have had way before you get married in order to make sure you are able to cope with the challenges of a marital life effectively. These would be related to your marriage and personal goals, families, finances, children, sex, hobbies, friends, responsibilities, etc; it is not easy to discuss some sensitive issues along with your would be partner. An experienced counsellor can guide you through these discussions without letting you or your partner off tangent and accomplishing the purpose of the talks. She/he would also equip you with better communication and conflict resolution skills in order to sail through the daily relationship life. This would set in realistic expectations and take away scope for resentment to build up. Its also important to discuss unresolved issues which could go ahead and damage your marital life.
Lastly it is like stepping in an unknown territory hence it is only natural to be carrying a lot of internal fears. This is a good platform to get in touch with your and your partners fears in order to step into matrimony peacefully.
It is challenging to decide whether to go for counselling or not but pre marriage counselling is the hard work which is required for a happy marital life.
>> One pre marriage counselling question to our psychologist: how to deal with a break up when my partner chooses someone else?
Our Marriage Counsellor Richa Khetawat answers you:
Endings are always difficult but at the same time the reality is dating might lead to an ending till you actually find someone who complements your personality; situation and both of you are on the same page when it comes to taking the next step into marriage.
When your boyfriend/girlfriend is going to marry someone else, you need to move on and find so that you can find more satisfying relationship prospects. You should do it with grace and compassion so that there are no regrets and your attitude prepares you to move on.
Before you decide to talk to him/her scan through your mind as to how you are going to reply to his/her questions. Play it out in your mind. Do not blame as that would lead to defensiveness, which would lead to arguments, counter arguments and you will feel stuck. End things on a positive note as all relationships definitely have good times. At the same time express your emotions else you would regret the closure and you may call him/her up again later. Fix a time period to walk of that physical place with that conversation. When you are done, do not feel guilty about what you have done as you have done it for the right reasons.
Now that you have done it, take care of yourself. Have a basic routine which should not be hard on you. It should involve your important chores. Eat healthy and well, drink lots of water, however challenging make a sleep schedule and try to follow it consistently. Exercising everyday will make you feel very good and it releases chemicals in your brain. It will help you follow your routine. Do not get into unhealthy coping strategies. Release your emotions and thoughts by talking to supportive friends and family and when you cannot write down your thoughts. Do not avoid meeting people and do not be scared to date again as your little experience does not connote that love cannot strike you again or it will end up the same again. There are loads of suitable men out there. Believe that however close your boyfriend/girldfriend was, you can sail through this period on your own. To not get back in touch with him/her, it will only hurt further. Maybe once your feelings have died down you can look at friendship but not right now. When you are very low, reflect on your relationship as that will help you understand what you can improve in your next relationship. Pamper yourself with things you like to do. This is the best time as you also have more time! Do not blame yourself.
If you still find it difficult to cope up do not shy away from taking help from a professional counsellor. Break ups are always tough and can make you go through a wide range of emotions from anger, frustration, jealousy, resentment, loneliness, sadness, incompetence, low self esteem and hopelessness. But if you do not bottle up the grieving naturally comes to an end.
Relationship Counsellor Richa Khetawat has 10 years experience in counselling individuals and couples from Delhi, Gurgaon, Noida and other North India cities . She holds Masters in Clinical Psychology from Delhi University and a Certificate in Clinical Psychology from the University of Edinburgh, UK. She received Women’s Awards for Dynamism and Innovation from Devi in 2016.